if you don't push, how will you ever find out how strong you are?

well, last night i had some cauliflower. because i made it. and it was roasted and shared, and cauliflower is good for you. i did managed to not taste my roommate's white bean dip with pretzels. it wasn't too hard--i just remembered that my thighs look like white bean dip. sick sick sick. i also only had a small glass of red wine, despite the pressure to indulge a little more. whatever, i don't even really like red wine very much.

onto today. i haven't had a thing yet, though it's only 8-something. i've been up for 2 hours. i hate working in this cubicle! today it is supposed to be almost 70 in new york. a perfect day, and probably the last nice one until spring. of course i am stuck inside until 3:30. of course.

today i have a phone call scheduled with the director of my summer camp. next summer i want to be the group leader and by all rights it should be mine. we are going to discuss it this afternoon. i love camp and i am so excited to talk to her. only issue is, i get home a little after 4, the call is at 4:30, and it gets dark at 4:45--no time to run. so i have decided i will take a walk while we are on the phone together, just to get in some exercise. i hate running outside in the dark. it freaks me out. but walking? okay i guess.

i didn't bring food with me to work, except a small gala apple. it's for emergencies only. we have plenty of water and coffee available here, and i have a blueberry green tea bag in my purse. i should be set until i get home.

okay, so number time! unfortunately, i do not own a scale. when i recovered from my first foray into ED territory, i went to a nutritionist, who basically told me that with my living situation (living with 3 girls, one with undiagnosed anorexia, one with a history of EDNOS, and one who was just tiny) and my history, a relapse was probably going to happen. she gave me some ideas to help stop it, and getting rid of my scale was one of them. and since then, i just haven't bought one. too much of a pain, especially now that i rely solely on public transportation. so i don't know my current weight. i think it's about 136.

my 5-year high school reunion is the day after thanksgiving. i want to look as good as possible. it sounds stupid and shallow, but when everyone in your class is getting engaged, and i don't even have a real job, the only thing i have going for me is my looks. okay, and the fact that i went to a better school than most, and now i live in new york instead of fucking ohio. but i need to look gooooood. i would like to lose 10 pounds before then. or really just as much weight as possible. if i want to lose 10, assuming i weigh 136, here are the facts:

23, female, 136, 5'2''
RMR: 1325
x 1.375 (lightly active, exercise 1-3 days/week, desk job) - underestimating a little
= 1822 calories burned per day
3500 calories in a pound
x 10 pounds
= 35,000 calories need to be lost to lose 10

the reunion is in 19 days. one of these days is thanksgiving...fuck. so 18 days, including today.
according to straight math, i need to burn 1944 calories each day to lose 10 pounds.
which means i need negative intake of -122 calories everyday.

okay. i can do this.

random outputs:
1 hour of walking at 3mph is -204 calories
30 minutes of running at 7mph is -355 calories
going up and down 1 flight of stairs is -5 calories (i live on the 5th floor, so thats -20 everytime i go in and out)
30 minutes of dancing around -145 calories

plan for today:
-nothing at work
-get home, go for a walk as soon as possible
-walk for two hours (-404)
(-1822 + -404 = -2226)
-dinner will be 1 cup of gnocchi from trader joe's (190) + 1 apple (80)
(-2226 + 270 = -1956)

this plan will put me at -136 net for the day, which is on track with my goal.
i will also try to clean when i get home, plus maybe do a little dancing around/lifting.

here's to a good day!